Luxord's Life Lessons
by Brii-Brii-Chan
Summary: My name is Luxord, number 10 in Organization XIII. Living in Castle Oblivion, along with twelve others, plus a random extra Nobody thrown into the mix, I often come across things that one should remember about life, and so now, I've decided to share them.
1. 1: If it looks cute and innocent

Luxord's Life Lessons

A/N: Welcome, everybody, to my newest fic, and my first KH fic to be added to (I have others on my deviantART account, but I don't feel they need to be here). I do realize that, since I have never played KH2 before, I may get some facts mixed up, but please be kind in pointing that out. I'm still learning. So as this goes on, things will get better. So without further ado, here's the fic.

Pairings: Luxord/OC

Rating: PG, I think is safe for this chapter.

Warnings: A few choice words

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts/KH2, any Disney characters, or any other licensed objects. I do, however, own Xianie. She is my Organization XIII OC.  

--

Lesson #1: If it looks cute and innocent, it's really a diabolical mastermind in disguise.

When you look at Demyx (or Zexion for the first time, or even Larxene, maybe Marluxia) , you would think that he couldn't possibly be a heart stealer. He just looks all too innocent. Demyx and Zexion are so young and adorable. Larxene…well, she's a girl. And Marluxia just looks too gay to possibly be evil.

But of course, you can never judge a book by its cover.

Don't ever push Demyx's big red button. You know, the one that says "Don't Push" and yet it screams "Push me!" at the same time. But of course, his big red button is not at all obvious. It's more like an invisible trip wire that you never know is there until it's too late.

And of course, I have the (dis)pleasure of dating that trip wire.

Demyx's trip wire is in the form of a young woman named Xianie, who is more of a younger sister to him than a friend or fellow member of the Organization. He protects her with everything he is, and would probably rather jump off the top of the castle than do anything to harm her.

And of course, I'm the one who (unintentionally) does something to hurt Xianie and suffer his wrath.

For instance, one day before Xianie and I got together, I made a lewd comment towards her, which Demyx just happened to hear. She got offended and snapped at me (which stung me more that I thought it would), and…well Demyx came to her rescue, much like a royal guard would come to the aid of the queen.

Being inferior to Demyx (by one whole digit), I had to take his berating. This eventually escalated to physical lesson-teaching because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. And naturally, Xianie stood and watched, a smirk on her gorgeous face. And her face drew my eyes away from Demyx, and he became angrier and we eventually ended up fighting it out.

And of course, I lost as was reported to Xemnas for "misconduct and contempt" and I was put under supervision for two weeks. Xianie got a great kick out of that one.

Another time, yet again before Xianie and I were officially together, I decided I wanted to have some fun and flirt with a young lady. I had no idea at the time that Xianie had feelings for me. If I had, I would never have said anything to that girl. But she got envious and angry and ran off, causing Demyx to, once again, jump me about my behaviour and verbally beat me to a pulp.

Bloody hell, why can't things just be easy within the Organization? Oh, that's right. Because Xianie loves to push all the smaller blue buttons (the less dangerous of the nerve buttons) of every member (except of course Demyx) and instigate things.

And of course, most of these things end up being bad for me.

But of course, Demyx has other things that irk him that somehow, I forget about and unintentionally do. For instance…

Being as possessive and protective of people as he is, anyone could think that Demyx has abandonment issues. I did, at least. So one day, after Xianie and I had been screwing around and Demyx walked in just as my hand slipped (honestly) and grasped her bum, he went off on me. Started going on about how she's his sister and things like that and how I should talk to him first before doing anything to or with her.

I had enough at that point, and retaliated with him being afraid of her leaving and him being alone again like he had before she joined the Organization (which reminds me, she doesn't have a number…). That…didn't go so well either. He flipped out on me and screamed, yelled, and I'm almost positive he would've summoned his water dolls had Xianie not stepped in at that point.

So one should never take Demyx as a "go with the flow" type of guy. No, he has his moods and can change moods much quicker than a woman during her "special week," and that's already frighteningly fast.

And of course, I'm usually at the receiving end of any and all of his mood swings.

Lovely.

--

A/N: I want to give a huge thank you to my wonderful "sister" Emi for helping me, and for being the amazing person she is. This fic will be mostly based off of our on-going KH2 role-play, so in a sense, she's a co-author. Non-directly.

But anyhow, I shall try to get the next chapter up soon. I have ideas, I have time, and I have three cans of double caffeine energy drinks. Take that. Hah. So please, if you would, take a few moments and leave a quick comment before you skitter off to read another fic. Thank you, and see you next time on LLL!


	2. 2: Never let Larxene cook

Luxord's Life Lesson

A/N: Welcome back to LLL. I hope you enjoyed chapter one (or if you're just here to laugh at me, have fun). Now, you need to remember that this fic is based mostly on an RP. So if anything seems completely off, or characters are OOC, please, deal with it. Don't leave hissy-fit comments about how "Demyx would never act like that! GTFO!" or "Luxord is a good guy! Quit trashing him!" or anything like that. I love those two more than any other Org. XIII member, so…yeah. I'm just having fun here. And honestly, I'd rather be in bed right now, or watching the VMA's, but I'm here instead because I'm having fun.

Pairings: Luxord/OC

Rating: PG

Warnings: A few choice words, nothing too bad

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts/KH2, any Disney characters, or any other licensed characters. I do, however, own Xianie. She is my Organization XIII OC.

--

Lesson #2: Never let Larxene cook.

This is one of the most important lessons the Organization needs to know. Especially those with sensitive stomachs or those who get stuck with the long list for cleaning day. Or, anyone who dislikes lasagna.

Larxene seems to have no sense of taste whatsoever. Or smell, for that matter. Her food is either undercooked, overcooked, or just plain disgusting. And sadly, the rest of us have to suffer because of it.

For example. Xianie got stuck with the long list. The long list includes doing laundry, washing windows, mopping, cleaning bathrooms, taking out the trash, and washing dishes. Of course, Larxene had made lunch for who-knows-who and had left the dish out without soaking it.

Now, anyone who knows anything about washing dishes or cooking knows that when you make something with tomato sauce or cheese or anything like that, you never let the empty dish sit without rinsing it or soaking it. Larxene seems to not know this, however. Thus resulting in crusty sauce and cheese on the glass dish, which Xianie had to clean/

It took her forty minutes, half a bottle of dish soap, two scrubbers, and a moment of getting sick in the back yard to get it clean.

Earlier that day, unknowing of who had made it, I had a few bites of said lasagna. It tasted fine the first few seconds, then my taste buds got full shock of how horrid it actually tasted. And sadly, I couldn't stomach it properly. I spent far too long in the restroom than any human being should.

I detest lasagna now. Point blank.

When someone is cooking, and another person walks by the kitchen and covers their nose, their eyes water, and they scream something along the lines of "OH MY GOD WHAT DIED?!" that should be more than enough of a clue that the food being prepared is nasty. Especially when it smells like broccoli , sauerkraut, garbage, and foot. Sadly, Larxene seemingly cannot smell her own cooking. Or she's smelling something completely different than the rest of us.

Don't get me wrong, love. Larxene is not a bad person to be around or a bad person in general. She's just a bad, bad, VERY BAD cook. Case closed.

--

A/N: Before you go off on me about how much you like Larxene or how much I'm a terrible person for bashing her, let me say one thing. BASED ON AN RP. I do enjoy Larxene, I do not hate her, or anything like that. Honestly, people anymore are so uptight about tings like this.

Anyhow, I am so tired now, so you all can enjoy this for the night, and possibly Tuesday night you'll have a new chapter to read. And yes, I'll try to make these longer. I'm just getting started and finding lessons is kind of hard when our RP is a lot of chitchat and stupidity. But good stupidity.

See you all next time.


	3. Animals are evil

Luxord's Life Lessons

A/N: Yes, yes, I know. Three updates in three days. Honestly, I should be studying for my Anatomy practical tomorrow, but I don't feel like it. So, without further ado, here's chapter three of LLL.

Pairings: Luxord/OC, Demyx/OC

Rating: PG

Warnings: A few choice words

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts/KH2, any Disney characters, or any other licensed objects. I do, however, own Xianie and Rixbi. They are my Organization XIII OCs. Reixil belongs to my amazing oneechan, Emi.  

--

Lesson #3: Some animals are just pure evil.

We'll start with birds. Any type of bird. Pigeon, dove, parrot, macaw, crow…The list goes on. I myself have a personal vendetta against birds with the ability to mimic sounds and words. The kinds that like to squawk at passerby from the safety of their cages in pet shops.

You see, it just so happens that every time I pass by one of these birds, they have to scream profanities at me. Which I find extremely bewildering, since normally, when people teach birds to talk, they don't tend to teach them to curse. And yet the birds, more often than not parrots of some kind, are there, in their cages, flapping their wings and cursing worse than a sailor.

Not that I've met many sailors in my time, but I have seen movies and read books.

Birds also have a habit of giving away your location. Which they do, very obnoxiously, by yet again screaming profanities.

I can back my point with actual proof.

On a mission in Hollow Bastion, sent once again to collect hearts from random people for Xemnas (or Mr. Mansex as Xianie and Reixil call him once in a blue moon), I was trying my very best to follow a group of innocent window shoppers. Stealthy, silent, and getting close, I suddenly hear a voice from nearby.

"What's your name? What's your name?"

Of course by the time the repeated half is out, the group has turned to look, and I could no longer sneak along behind them. So I had to amuse the parrot, for lack of anything else to do at this point.

"Luxord."

The parrot stared at me for a moment, blinking and tilting its head this way and that, before simply stating, "Luxord's a dumb-ass."

Flabbergasted, I blinked. That bird had just called me a name! "I am not!" I replied indignantly.

"Dumb-ass, dumb-ass. Luxord's a douche."

By now a small crowd had formed, watching. I didn't see them, all my focus on the bird who was calling me names worse than Xianie on a bad day. "Now see here, bird! Stop calling me those unsightly names!"

"Douche, dumb-ass, bitch."

"Stop that!"

"Make me, jerk face."

"That was immature, even for a bird."

"Your mom's immature."

People were laughing at us like we were some sort of freak show (though, looking back, we honestly probably were) as our argument continued. Our voices were getting louder with every verbal blow.

"Stupid feathered hoodlum!"

"Pansy man!"

"Dinner to be!"

"Lap dog!"

"My name isn't Saïx!"

"Should be, lap dog."

"Stop calling me that!"

Now, really, people were enjoying the show. I however was not. And the bird was really agitating me. I wanted to make it shut up once and for all, but that would be considered animal cruelty and I didn't feel like getting into trouble and fighting my way out of getting arrested or something of the sort. So I decided to challenge the bird.

"Volume of a cube is equal to length times width times height," I declared.

"A cubic centimeter is equal to one milliliter."

"There are fifty-two countries in Africa, and only one is an island."

It went on and on, covering multiple subjects from math, to science, to geography, to English, to random facts about nothing.

"Never throw an object at a child. They tend to throw back twice as hard with larger objects." How I knew this, I don't know.

"When making microwave burritos, there's a big difference between thirty seconds and three minutes."

I was getting tired of this insufferable bird! It was time to pull out my deadliest weapon.

"X equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4 AC all over 2 A." Surely the bird couldn't defeat that!

Oh, how wrong I was.

"Pi is equal to 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527248912279381830119491298336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798609437027705392171762931767523846748184676694051320005681271452635608277857713427577896091736371787214684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235420199561121290219608640344181598136297747713099605187072113499999983729780499510597317328160963185950244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881710100031378387528865875332083814206171776691473035982534904287554687311595628638823537875937519577818577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989"

Everyone just stared. The bird had calculated Pi. To the…well, who knows how many decimal places that was to. I simply stood there, in complete and utter shock. My arms slumped down, my mood darkened, I turned and stormed off, not in the mood to deal with any more shenanigans.

And so that is why birds that can talk are evil. Let's move on, shall we?

Sharks are another creature that I despise. Not only are they ugly, brutish, and just plain annoying, but also because they hurt my beloved. And also Demyx's.

The girls-meaning Rixbi, Xianie, and Reixil-decided we should go to Atlantica one day. So we went, of course, and it turned out that there was a celebration of some sort going on. Skipping boring, meaningless details, we stayed, danced, and generally had a good time.

Until those brutes showed up and crashed the party, that is. Everyone began swimming to safety while the girls, Demyx, and I were fighting back the sharks. Well, Rixbi wasn't, since she's still much younger than us. She went with Ariel, but anyhow.

While Demyx and Reixil were taking care of two others, Xianie was trying to fight off a bigger one. I was torn between helping Rei or Xia (after all, a gentleman helps a lady in danger), but when the shark slapped Xia with its tail and sent her slamming into a wall, shoulders and head first, I saw red.

Meanwhile, Rei's fight wasn't going any better. Her shark had destroyed her weapon, and was looming over her, ready to attack. The next thing I knew, we were all seeing red, literally. The thing had bitten into her arms and shoulders, her blood spilling all too quickly.

Demyx was enraged. He sent his own running (or, rather, swimming) for its own safety before having at it with the other. I honestly think he would have killed it had he had enough time.

Xia and Rixbi did their best to get the suffering Rei away from the scene and through a portal home. Rei was injured badly, Xia couldn't see straight and later complained of horrible migraines and her vision either swimming, spiraling, or fading out all together, and poor little Rixbi was frightened out of her mind. They were a mess. Demyx wasn't much better, either. He was nearly as white as Rei was, worried beyond worried about her survival.

Luckily, Xianie took good care of the others before she even thought about getting herself taken care of.

Rei took eight days before she was able to get up and out of bed to walk around, and Xia took five for her vision to clear up and her migraines to downgrade to simple headaches. But it was all because of sharks that they were somehow injured, physically obvious or not.

So you see, I'm not an animal fan. I detest them, and wish that I could avoid them at all costs, unless they're dead, cooked, and covered in sauce.

--

A/N: …….my fingers hurt now. Five pages, totally pulled from my bum. Longest of the three chapters. I figure that if I should happen to get on a roll and keep typing, then so be it. Since this one is over twice my usual length. And of course, no, I am not anti-animal. I love animals. Just…Luxord doesn't particularly care of the animal kingdom. Anyway, see you next time on LLL.


End file.
